What is a Direct or Unattended Funeral?
An unattended funeral (a direct cremation or direct burial) is one that separates the cremation or burial from the funeral service. Typically, your loved one will be taken to the crematorium or burial ground by the Undertaker, with no service and no family present. The cremation or burial will happen shortly after. You will be told the date and time this is to happen, even though you are not present. A direct funeral typically costs less than an attended funeral and can often be undertaken sooner after death. (Side note: your local funeral director can organise an unattended funeral, you don’t need to arrange it through a specialist company - unless you want to).
When planning a funeral, the direct, unattended route is becoming an increasingly popular choice due to its simplicity and the associated lower cost. In order to make an informed decision, it is essential to understand the pros and cons of opting for a direct funeral. This article looks at some of the benefits and drawbacks of direct funerals, and how you can plan a meaningful funeral or memorial service around it.
Pros of Unattended Funerals
Flexibility: An unattended funeral allows families to plan a funeral or memorial service at a later date, giving them time to consider what they would like to include, without the time constraints of a service in a crematorium. Additionally, additional planning time can be helpful if family and friends are scattered geographically or need time to arrange travel.
Simplicity and Speed: The process of an unattended funeral is straightforward, involving fewer steps and less coordination with funeral homes. The body is cremated or buried soon after death, eliminating the need for a lengthy planning process. This can mean less stress for families who may feel overwhelmed by the idea of organising a traditional funeral.
Cost-Effective: Direct funerals are often considerably cheaper than an attended funeral with a service or a traditional burial. Families save on costs associated with embalming, caskets, viewing fees, and burial plots. This can help to ease the financial burden during what is already a challenging time.
Cons of Unattended Funerals
Lack of Immediate Closure: An unattended funeral bypasses the typical mourning rituals of viewing the deceased or having a funeral service soon after their loved one’s passing. This can make it difficult for those grieving to find the closure that an attended funeral brings.
Limited Rituals and Traditions: Unattended funerals may not align with certain religious or cultural traditions, which may have specific requirements for burials or cremations.
Missed Opportunities for Communal Support: Traditional funeral services offer a time and place for mourners to come together, share memories, and support each other. With direct funerals, this opportunity for communal grieving can be delayed or even lost altogether unless a service is planned afterward.
Planning a Separate Funeral or Memorial Service
Crucially, even if you don’t want the expense of a hearse, an expensive coffin or the hire of a crematorium or chapel, you can hold a funeral service separately, at a place of your choosing. Some families choose to do this after the funeral, with the ashes or cherished belongings of their loved one present at the service; others opt for a service to say goodbye before the funeral. There are no rules and certainly no ‘right answer’.
One of the major advantages of an unattended funeral is the flexibility offered by separating the funeral process from the ceremony or memorial service. This enables those who are grieving to plan a service that reflects their wishes and those of the deceased. This service can take place soon after the funeral, or months afterwards. A memorial service planned after the funeral can give the family time to plan a more personalised and thoughtful service. The service can be held in a variety of locations - perhaps somewhere particularly meaningful to you or your loved one, or a place that you can revisit afterwards and remember them. This can be anywhere - a family home, a park, or a historic building. Cremated remains or the loved one’s belongings can be present, or you can choose to hold the service without them. For example:
Celebration of Life: A celebration of life can focus on remembering the deceased's unique personality and the impact they had on their loved ones, and honouring their life. This can include photo slideshows, storytelling, favourite music, or other personal touches.
Virtual or Hybrid Services: With families becoming more spread out and travel becoming more complicated, virtual or hybrid services (a combination of in-person and online attendance) are a good option. This option allows those who cannot attend in person to participate and share memories, providing a sense of togetherness despite the distance.
Conclusion
When planning a funeral at a time of intense grief, it can be difficult and confusing to know what is the right path. Direct funerals can offer a simple and cost-effective solution for those looking for an alternative to traditional funeral arrangements. However, the potential for a lack of immediate closure and the absence of some traditional rituals could mean that mourners may miss an important part of the grieving process.
Planning a separate celebration of life or memorial service offers families a way of celebrating and honouring the life of their loved one in a meaningful and personal way whilst taking into account both the wishes of the deceased and the emotional and practical needs of those left behind.
